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This is Lindsay, and she’s such a mess! She’s in deep deep trouble, and she needs to concentrate in order to tell you what she has to tell. And she’s not even at her worst now! Hold on – first she should probably tell you what her problem is. Well, she has obsessive-compulsive disorder or OCD. There, she’s said it. And she feels pretty ashamed about it, thank God this is anonymous!
Ok, well, time to concentrate. Lindsay is 15, and she’s on the path to happiness – and happiness for her is when her thoughts leave her. Right, she still hasn’t told you what OCD is. Sorry for that. She’ll tell you what it’s about, and then give you some examples, ok? So, it’s actually when you have certain thoughts all the time that don’t leave you, and you’re afraid that you can make something horrible happen to you. And you become so ashamed of yourself that you try to prevent these things from happening by doing other things, even if you don’t want to do them…It sounds pointless, but she did tell you she’s a mess.
Lindsay is adopted. She doesn’t like to recall that time before she was adopted, but it might help you to understand things better. The point is that Lindsay’s biological father was in jail and her biological mother didn't take care of her at all. She was only five at the time, and the problem is that she can remember everything that happened! She’s heard that some people just forget traumatic things that happen to them, but that’s definitely true in her case. Her memories have been stalking her for years! But luckily she was adopted soon after, and she adores her foster parents. To her, they’re her real mom and dad.
So, they took her home and everything was finally ok. They took her to a psychologist to help overcome her past trauma, and eventually they concluded that she was finally over it. Well, yes, she was over it, more or less. However when she was around seven years old, Lindsay started having THAT THING. What thing? Well, don’t laugh, but it went like this. For example, she might be just sitting calmly in her room and then suddenly feel that she absolutely needs to go and check if she has closed the door to the bathroom. Well, who cares if it’s closed? What’s the difference, you might ask? But still she gets up and goes there to check. It turns out that it’s closed. She goes back to her bedroom. She sits down and thinks: “But I haven’t checked if it’s closed tight”. So she gets up and goes to check again. It’s closed tight. She sit downs again and thinks: “Am I really sure I’ve closed it well?” And so on and on it goes, at least five or six times.
Lindsay knows it’s stupid! But she really feels that if she doesn’t do it, something horrible will happen. She just can’t control herself. And that was just when she was seven. Since then she’s gone much much further down this path. The strange ideas have multiplied in her head – she now has to check and recheck that she’s put everything in its proper place; that everything is in order; all the plates in the kitchen are arranged by colors and all of her shoes in the closet are perfectly aligned. She spends a lot of time each day carrying out strange rituals to make sure everything is fine, but the things she has to check increase in number all the time. And what’s worse is that she’s suddenly started feeling guilty. She’d already realized that she wasn’t normal, and because she was adopted she felt bad that her wonderful parents ended up with a freak like her. So never wanted to tell them that she had problems, to avoid them being disappointed with her.
As Lindsay grew up, she had lots of other obsessive thoughts. She wanted to be a perfect daughter for her parents, and she was constantly afraid that she would embarrass them somehow. When she was with them in public, she was terrified that at some point she would start shouting obscenities. Why would she do that, you ask? Well, why wouldn’t she? This can happen to anyone, that was the thought she had, and she was constantly afraid it would be her. She started thinking about it over and over. She tried not to think about it, but it’s like not thinking about a polar bear – you literally can’t think about anything else when the thought is put in your head. She experienced other irrational fears in addition to that – for example, that she might cut her mom’s new dress into pieces. That she might spill coffee all over her dad’s laptop. And many, many more. She couldn’t study or do anything else – she thought about these things literally all the time.
To know more watch this video to the end.
Music by Epidemic Sound:
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