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When we grow up in an emotionally neglectful environment it can cause us to believe that our thoughts, feelings, and desires don’t matter. This can in turn cause us question anything we experience and struggle to trust how we feel. We can find it difficult to let people in, and constantly worry what others think about us.
Those who have suffered from emotional neglect often don’t even know it was happening, because this type of neglect isn’t something we can easily see. Many parents who were emotionally neglectful give their children every material thing they need, and from the outside look like amazing parents. But if their child needs any emotional support or encouragement from them, they are nowhere to be found.
HOW TO RECOVER:
1. Start noticing/tracking your feelings: Print out feelings charts and track them each day. It may be hard at first, so start with the easier ones (often tired, sad, and worried are easier to begin with). It's normal for us to not know how we feel all the time, but give yourself the chance to listen to your body and acknowledge all that you may be feeling.
2. Try describing the feeling word you selected without using that exact word (ex. I am feeling energized, excited, and bubbly - when describing happy)
3. Begin noticing your needs: What are the things you need physically to survive? How about things you need emotionally? When do they come up? Take your time thinking about these, and even pretend that someone you love had those needs to. What would you think about them then?
4. Self-Care! I know I talk about this a lot, but when it comes to healing from CEN self-care is our way of nurturing and caring for ourselves. Are there things you wished your parent had done for you? Let’s make time to do those things for ourselves.
5. Accept help and support from others: It can be hard to let people in when we weren't supported as a child, but we need other people in our lives who can help us through the tough times. Ensure these people are worth having around, and that they are trust worthy, and then slowly let them in.
6. Set healthy boundaries: This is SO IMPORTANT! It’s okay to say no! You don’t have to do anything that you don't want to, and people will understand and respect you more because of it.
Unavailable Father book link:
Emotionally Absent Mother book link:
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I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos!
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linnea@toneymedia.com
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